Breaking free

As time progresses, i slowly came to realize that there is a big wide world out there for me to explore, for me be sad, be happy, be high, low, making friends, losing friends, love, hate, and ultimately live. As slowly interact more and more with those around me, the more disappointed i felt. i am not a talkative guy, i dont have the emotional depth to get another person to get close to me. i cant even see myself forming a special bond with another being. Other people have inside jokes, secret handshakes, secrets between them while my relationship with most people is just on an acquiescent level.

why? you may ask, why cant i be more brave, talk more and get closer?

for those of you who maybe someone stumble upon this blog and somehow started reading this,  let me tell you something that you might or might not know. for people such as myself, who relies on logic to get through life, emotion is a hard thing to control, to comprehend. A person like me maybe talking to the girl he always liked, used all the right words, but not getting the girl. A person like me might be joining a new group, meeting all the new people and being welcomed with open arms, but in the end simply getting forgotten.

i know i know, its weird and sad, but thats how people like me works. We cant love and showing our love at the same time. we would offer our souls to our mates, yeah our complexions would probably remain unchanged.

But i am going to try and change that side of myself. first off by stop trying so hard to talk to the people around me and simply getting ignored while knowing perfectly that the person on the other side of the convo is having a fun time replying to another person. its simply demoralizing.

i am going to join more clubs, attend more meetings, meet more people. i probably will become more guarded, but i know i will grow, i will become more mature, and at the end, i will probably stand up, far up from my old self. by then i hope i will find a girl that i can call my soul mate, be it one of my old friends, or simply someone i just met on the street, i will not let that opportunity go.

As for you, my bored reader, i hope you have your soul mate next to you, sharing your life and you yourself feel like the luckiest man or woman alive

thank you
Rin